It's been 3 months since I started this blog and I am still not reaching my goal. Last Thursday I went to see my doctor and found out that I actually gained 6 lbs! My efforts have been futile and it just saddens me. I have produced results that are opposite to my goal. I thought I was on the right track. But still, I'm doing something wrong.
I asked Matt if he still finds me attractive even if I'm fat. He said that no matter what I say about myself when I look in the mirror, he still thinks that he is lucky to be married to a wonderful woman. If he encourages me to lose weight, it's because he wants me to be healthier, so I can stop taking my BP medications and just be well.
Maybe that's what's wrong with this picture. I might have the wrong motivation in what I'm trying to do. I want to look better, I want to wear cute dresses, wear heels without my legs giving up on me. Look better in a swimsuit. External beauty. I never thought I had such vanity til now.
I want to live better so I can live longer. With a healthier body, I can take longer walks, go hiking, enjoy dancing. Without panting, heart palpitations and tired feet. I will feel more confident about myself. I will have less worries. The things that losing weight will do for my emotional being is what should motivate me. That is what should make me strive harder.
Well, of course there will still be those dresses and shoes....
Physical and Emotional will always go hand in hand. But what matters most will still be how being healthy will make you feel.
Ok, time to start over again.
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